Worthless;

I hate the way I’m feeling.
Uncomfortable in my skin.
I feel like everyone is staring.
Because I’m fat, not thin.
I’m staring at this paper.
As if I don’t see their eyes on me.
But I feel so uncomfortable.
I wish they didn’t see.
My frowning face I wear all day
the pain they cannot see.
The pieces of my heart that break.
The belief I don’t have in me.
I hate being so damn quiet.
Hiding my feelings i keep bottled inside.
I wish sometimes i could just say.
Whatever is on my mind?
But i can’t because I don’t believe in myself.
I always think of myself last.
Because I don’t deserve the best in life.
I don’t deserve anything nice.
Because I’m not worth anything.

Missing You;

The voices go in through one ear and out the other. I can’t seem to focuson anything. Thoughts run through my head like a train let off its tracks.I take down my smile and put up my guard. I stare at the clock waiting forthis nightmare to end. I close my eyes and see him. He comes toward me andwraps his arms around me. I feel his warm breath on my neck, his deep voicein my ear. i feel safe again. I open up my heart and let him back in. He lets go. When I open my eyes, he’s gone. I look at the empty desk next tome. Memories start rushing through my mind. The tears swell up in my eyesand drop down my face and onto the desk. Wishing he would come rightthrough the door and hold me in his arms just one last time. i shove backthe chair, run out of the classroom and down the hall. I fall on my kneesin front of his locker and scream. Everyone rushes into the hallways;everyone but him. i feel someone put there and on my shoulder, I turn andsee him standing there over me, i cry harder now tears of joy. He wipesaway my tears and tells me he can’t stay he just came to say he’s ok.We hug for what seems to be forever. Then he disappears.It’s funny how one minute your life could be almost perfect and the nextyou just feel like dying, all because of one drunk driver.

Escape;

*DINGG* the bell rings, it’s two o’clock. You bolt out the door withyour bag in you hand. Pushing through the happy crowd of people suffocatingfrom the smell of there own perfume. Alive and loving life; that used to beyou. You run out the doors into the foggy wet air. Screaming on the insidebut not loud enough to block out the giggly girls in front of you.Darkness starts to over take you. Your trapped in an empty never-endingblack hole. Ear piercing screams fill the air, and you drop to the floor.You’re weak and full of fear. A flash of light appears above you, youreach for it but nothings there. You roll into a ball crying, eyelinerpours down your face forming a deep black river. You look down and see arazor on the floor next to you. You pick it up, roll up your sleeve and putit against your skin. Building up the courage. You take a deep breath onemore tear falls then you drag the razor across your wrist. As the bloodrushes to the surface you feel calm and relived. You’re back in the realworld. Your pull down your sleeve put on that fake smile that everyoneloves and walk to your car. You sink down in your seat. Happy and smilingon the outside, unloved and dying on the in side.

Innocent Suicide;

she covers her armto hide the scars
she remembers hearing someone say
"no one cares who you are."
she bought a ticket
and came to the dance
she gave socializing
one last chance
she sat in the back
from everyone she fled
she cut her arm
and cried as she bled
people stayed away
as she bled on the floor
tears ran down her face
as she cut some more
"what is she doing"
"how long has she cried"
they asked as they watched
this innocent suicide

Living in Hell;

My wrist starts to tingle, as I set the rusty blade on my skin. I breathein and push down. As my skin splits the blood runs, down my wrist and dripsonto the shinny white floor. I pick a different spot set the blade down andpush; the blood starts to pour out faster, forming a puddle below me. Onemore time should do the trick, so I look for a vein through the bloodymess, set down the blade and push. I lye back and close my eyes waiting forit to end, but it doesn’t. I wake up with a clean stitched up wrist and ahospital bracelet. Tears run down my cheeks, I should be happy I’m aliveI’m not. My mother always told me hell is a scary place but I doubt itsany worse then the world we live in.

You're Mindless Self Destruction;

Torn Away,
Ripped Apart.
Leaving Broken Shards
Like Glass On The Floor.
All You Thought Was There
Disappeared
Gone
There No More.
The One You Thought You Knew
The One You Thought You Controlled.
This Seems To Be The Only Release
The Only Release You Can Find.
So Take The Flesh And Make It Part
Blood Spatter Drips Like Art
Feel The Pain Sink In
And The Thoughts Slide Out
Reminisce as you lose yourself
Your Fingers Icy Cold Losing Grip
On The Life You Held Around The Throat
The One You Thought You Knew
The One You Thought You Controlled.
This Seems To Be The Only Release
The Only Release You Can Find.
Think Harder Look Faster.
It’s All Gone.
Hope Slips Away As The Heart Beat Fails
Crimson Drips In Little Trails
The Inner Sense Of Conscious
Leaves Behind All Its Betrayals
The One You Thought You Knew
The One You Thought You Controlled.
This Seems To Be The Only Release
The Only Release You Can Find.
All That Remains.
The Words Printed Clearly
Crimson.
Red.
All For You.

Another Day;

fragile and broken
holding on by a thread
fighting for the chance
to see another day

wanting and hoping
she drifts off into her dreams
fighting for the chance
to see another day

waking and shaking
she reaches under her bed
fighting for the chance
to see another day

holding and pushing
she runs the knife across her wrist
fighting for the chance
to see another day

laying and dying
she speaks for the last time
"i don't wanna live
to see another day"

Beats, Cheats, and Lies;

when the birds fly south
we know whats coming
when he opens the door
my blood starts running
i hide under my bed
with fear in my eyes
he starts coming closer
when he hears my cries
i hold my breath
and quietly pray
i shut my eyes
and hope that he skips me today
he reaches down
and grabs my arm
i try not to struggle
reaching for my good luck charm
he grabs my hair
and throws me against the wall
the blood pours down my face
as i bounce back and fall
he bends down and kisses my cheek
says this is how its got to be
this is what i deserve
even though he's the one who cheated on me